Incredible Photo IDs

Here are some great photo IDs

and

here are some great yearbook pics

Hell, let's throw in some mugshots too.

It Just Gets Better and Better For This D-Bag

Ryan Leaf = Superclown

A shoe-in for Clown Hall of Fame.

Engravers are idiots

A funny article about all the mistakes on the Stanley Cup.

My favorite is the discussed at the bottom (the Stanley Cup Champ Mapleleafs in 1944-45). Any Seinfeld fan will appreciate it.

Worst Tattoos

Believe it or not this artistic masterpiece did not make it onto this list. Luckily there are many lists out there that catalogue horrific body art, but this one contained some of the most grotesque tattoos I've seen. Whether you think tattoos are clownish or awesome, we can all agree that the individuals pictured here are huge clowns/tools who will have to pretend that they don't regret the twin penis towers on their back for the next 30yrs+.

Never mind how these people got these tattoo ideas in their heads, how did they describe their ill-conceived, retarded brain child?

"Um, yeah I want it to look like there's a cow shitting out of my stomach." OK, I guess that one was pretty straightforward.

"Ray Romano won't return my fan mail. How can I tastefully express my disdain for him in an irretractable manner?"

And what is going on in the tattoo artist's head when some of these individuals describe their ideas? As a creator of body art, do you recognize a tool when you see one (see Mr. Cool Ice)? Have you become desensitized after such over-exposure? Maybe it is within the paramaters of professionalism to act like every idiotic idea some jackass comes up with is a great one to have permanently put on their body. I'd like to think that if someone walked into a tattoo shop and said "I'd like a mural of two mermen making out, with one giving a reach-around to a randomly floating penis, against an ocean backround. Oh and tastefully frame it with two ejaculating penii," the artist would do the courtesy of letting the customer sleep on the idea to be sure. Or just kick him in the merman and throw him out.

Russian Star Wars Kid

Words cannot properly describe this.

That seems to happen quite a lot with my posts.

This makes so much sense!

Seriously guys, it's not like I go around saying that I'm 2 3 years old. I'm 23. Huge difference.

Here's a prime example of doing retarded things because your skills on the field are equal to that of Christopher Reeves (too soon?)


Daily Clown: Doing whatever you can to stay in the spotlight.

Warning: These are REAL children

I've got a couple here and they're all equally ridiculous.

1. He's making fun of them and they are just eating it right up.

2. Not sure what church this is, but if I did that, I would probably have been kicked squarely in the teeth.

3. Wooo Praise the Lord!

4. I'm sorry, but watching this kid makes me think of this and this.

Gravity's a Bitch

This ranks up there with the jackass who ran through a 42nd floor window to "prove how strong his windows are."

Awkward Boners

...because you know you've caught one of your friends with one in class or just chilling out with the remote on their crotch (Sauer/Dean).

Bobby Badfingers

Snapping his way to being one of the biggest clowns the world has ever known.

Great intensity.

Daily Clown: Having the opportunity of a lifetime to bring competitive snapping to the mainstream and picking a Gloria Estefan song to do so.

Or

Maybe just having the title as the "World's Fastest Snapper"

Anyways, you'll probably wanna check out Steven Purugganan the next time you need someone to set up your beer pong game in less than 7 seconds

or Tu Jin-Shen next time you need an iron dick to help pull your car out of a ditch

"This is Spinal Tap, more like Spinal CRAP!"

You can't please everyone. Here's a list of critics' responses to some of your most loved things in life.

"This is more music for druggies. The Beatles should be ashamed to put out this album. I saw Paul Mcartney live last year and he was better than this album, and the other Beatles weren’t even there. But the stage show was boring, there where no pyrotecnics or girls. When I saw Motley Crew during there Dr. Feelgood tour they at least had Fireballs and dancing girls. Plus Mick Mars destroys George Harryson on guitar!"

Here's a favorite from some clown. Here two of my favorite things from this post of theirs.
A. Of all things they misspell, The Beatles is not one of them
B. The Beatles suck because they lack fireballs.

Therefore, Beatles plus picture to the right = Motley Crue quality show

By the way, This is Spinal Tap is one of the best movies of all-time (not crap).

Gratuitous Posting of Dueling Handfarts

I'm thinking about nominating this guy as clown of the year. Didn't I see that guy as the dad in American Pie and countless other shitty movies?

Watch this and remember, that some douchebag friend of this guy thought this was actually really cool and deserving of a video. On the other hand, this friend I speak of may have video taped this performance as proof to why three years later he has gone postal.

Clown of the Year Nominee

They say a picture can say a 1000 words. A million couldn't sum up what I think of this clown.

Brett Fucking Favre Please Stop

You have to be kidding. Michael Jordan retiring to play minor league baseball; Ryan Leaf putting down the helmet at 26; Favre coming out of retirement to play for the Jets. All of these pale in comparison to the bozonian antics of Favre v2.0. I mean really? Don't you have a farm in Mississippi where you can throw a football through a tire swing? Like in all those Wrangler ads? Isn't there a Viagra commercial like that too? Maybe you can start doing those.

At any rate, the point is any of those things would be better than you coming out of retirement ... AGAIN ... to play for the fucking Minnesota Vikings. Didn't you see how fans in a real sport town acted when you sucked? They HATE losing. They HATE watching their quarterback throw up Sputnik-esque passes only to have them intercepted. They REALLY HATE losing their last four of five to miss the playoffs after stating 8-3.

Now I actually hate bashing Favre. I loved the Gunslinger of Green Bay who never missed games, had ten pro-bowl appearances, three MVPs, and a Super Bowl ring. But the fact remains that Favre is no longer that player. The more he plays, the more clear that becomes. Why tarnish an immaculate Hall of Fame career with all these twilight shenanigans? Only one answer. You must be a clown.

The Odd Couple: The Story of How My Best Man Ate My Wife

From the line "My feelings for Grizzlies is a little bit different from most people" you know you've tuned into something good. There is no doubt that this will be a pretty interesting TV show. Nothing says good TV like putting your loved ones in danger by MAKING AN 800-lb GRIZZLY BEAR AS YOUR BEST MAN AT YOUR WEDDING.

Not to be mean or anything (put it will totally be taken that way), his wife is a little Alien looking. I guess you must be from a different planet to want to wed a guy who's only choice for a best man in his wedding is a 800lb man eater (man-mauler perhaps).

That's right, bring it on you sonofa bitch!

"I didn't have to worry about any wedding crashers! Ha Ha Ha Ha" Oh, no you didn't. Probably because no one was at your wedding.

"...he gets to be an ambassador to his wild cousins..." Yea, because 800lb hairy man mauling beasts who roll around, take huge dumps and talk about how they want to tear their trainer's throat out really care about a fellow Grizzly being on television.

Super Beagle

This is actually a sad story, but then it gets good. Just read a little bit of what happened to this dog, then click on the pictures page. Unreal.

Alligators - Almost as Dangerous as Two Idiots w/ a Shotgun

This excerpt is from an article in New York Game and Fish magazine about alligator attacks. Critical knowledge for any New York sportsman. Apparently they happen all the time, and you should be terrified if you live in Florida/New York. Trying to show just how dangerous alligators are, the article retells various attack stories and the encounters of two registered removal agents - Braxton and Enfinger. This is the second tale:

"On another occasion, Braxton and Enfinger were out attempting to remove a gator that had been hanging around some docks and residences...It was well after sundown when they spotted their quarry. They were both busy getting all their tools into position when Braxton picked up the bang stick (gun), removed the safety and made only a short move, when the bang stick hit something and discharged, striking Enfinger at point-blank range.
The bang stick held a single 12-gauge shotgun shell with No. 4 shot. The pellets struck Enfinger in the chest, face and arm. Braxton immediately got Enfinger...to a hospital in Pensacola. Doctors removed what pellets they could and discharged him. It was a narrow escape Braxton said he would never forget."

Smart thinking by Tweedle-Dee to blast the shit out of Tweedle-Dum, or else the alligator might have had a chance to do some real damage. The inclusion of this anecdote in an article meant to show how important it is to remove 'nuisance' alligators reaffirms my long standing fear of rednecks with guns. As I'm not a retard, I still don't have any reason to fear alligators.

Octopussy

Let's All Give A Hand To This Guy

My heart is telling me not to write this, but my gut is telling me that something needs to be said about this.

Here's a wonderful story about a truly amazing kid. His name is Kyle Maynard and he is a congenital amputee. He's got no arms, and no legs. (I've looked into it, and no, he's not like a Wii character who lacks arms and legs while still having hands and feet). Now don't get me wrong, I hope this kid achieves whatever goals he sets because he's not only an inspiration to probably many kids out there, but also because he probably had a real crappy time in high school. Also he won a ESPY, which is more than I can say I'll ever accomplish.

Alright, well long story short, I would like to address a more pressing matter. And that is... What the hell is up with our wrestling programs? How does a sport, usually filled with Quasimodo/Ork-like manchildren who love rolling around on a sweat and MRSA covered mat that has been rolled up into the back of the gym for the past 45 years and who wear the tightest spandex possible to ensure that when they are on top of the other guy, their junk is as close to that guy's face as possible be taken over by a kid who lacks all appendages? The kid has NO ARMS and NO LEGS! How do you lose a wrestling match to a kid who has NO ARMS and NO LEGS? How do you not pick him up and throw him out the gym? Or just sit on him. He can't push or pull you. The kid's record is 35-16. 35 and 16! As in 35 people walked up to the mat, using their two legs, shook the hands of the coach and ref, probably using one of their two arms and hands to do it, and then proceded to lose a wrestling match to this guy. Perhaps he wins by releasing a paralytic from his skin. He may even control his bowels so well that a strategically placed fart renders his opponent unconscious, allowing him to then squirm/roll on to his opponent and thereby "pinning" him/her to the mat. Whatever he does, he does it well enough to fight for a spot in an MMA fight. And he's probably wondering why no one will let him do it. Gee, I don't know, maybe if he has never seen the "Walking the baby at the park" scene from the movie Dead Alive. In that case, no, he has no idea what would be in store for him.

Today's Clown: Idiots who lost a wrestling match to Kyle Maynard