Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

Yea, no joke. That's the best name they could come up with. (above is an accurate depiction of the action scenes in the movie, high quality stuff).

And you know it's incredible when it stars 80s teenie bopper Deborah Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas.

Anyways, does anyone here watch the SciFi channel for movies. They are incredible. (Incredible = incredibly shitty).

I happened to switch over to the SciFi channel one night to catch the ending of what could only be a sorry attempt to jump onto the coattails of the Anaconda and Lake Placid movies. It starred some woman who shouldn't be acting and one HUGE Alligator (maybe crocodile, Mlauw, help me on this one).

So, like I said, this was the end of the movie and the actress was stuck on a tiny raft in the middle of a swamp. To her horror, she notices that not only is this gigantic pissed off alligator is swimming her way, but the swamp is being filled up by huge barrels of gasoline. She quickly remembers that she has a zippo in her pocket and trys to start it. BUT IT WON'T LIGHT!!!!


Oh, there's a dude in the raft with her, but he's injured (of course), and he's struggling to start the engine (yea, there's a small trowling motor that's there to make us believe that the small 5hp motor will help speed them away from this beast).

Blah Blah Blah, you can guess what happens next. Yep, it finally lights up. We see the beast swimming towards them, weaving in and around reeds and grass and whatnot. Right when he's about to swim into some gasoline, we here quite possibly the greatest line in cinematic history.

Sauer if you're reading this, prepare to be blown away.

She takes one look at the lighter, then to the alligator and says

"Light up my life you sonofa bitch!"

and then she tosses the lighter into the swamp, and BLOWS UP the goddamned alligator. She didn't hit any barrels or anything, just the gas on the surface of the water. Oh, and not only does she and the dude not get blown up as well, they are able to start the engine, troll safely out of the swamp into some open water and proceed to fuck each other's brains out.



MlauwZeDong said...

I love a good Sci Fi channel movie. Don't have to think at all, and usually you get immediate gratification with a monster attack scene. Two of my favorites are Raptor Island (self-explanatory) and Boa vs. Python: The government genetically engineers a 70ft python that they can somehow mind-control hoping to use it to irradicate a 60ft boa on the loose. Obviously.

Also, that's an alligator in the picture.