Friday, May 1, 2009

Pick The Perp!

The newest craze in internet gaming! Actually, it's a satisfying way of playing the "racial profiling" game. Enjoy.

My streak is 3. Try and beat that. Or if you're like Giunta, play "would you rather..."

Bozohemian Rhapsody

See what I did with the title there?

This is what you get when you have old computers and A LOT of free time. However I think this is pretty sweet. I've always wondered what could be done with those noises. I think guy might be my FYS teacher.

Oh, and I think he hints at the bottom of the page that he actually bought the computers so that he could do this. Clown.

Daily Clown: This guy.

Super Beagle

This is actually a sad story, but then it gets good. Just read a little bit of what happened to this dog, then click on the pictures page. Unreal.

House of Poon Burned Down

Not sure if you Penfield guys ever tried this place, but due to its location, House of Poon Chinese Restaurant was a place my family sometimes ate from.

This past Friday I drove up to Indianapolis, IN to visit the FDIC convention (my dad goes with a couple guys from the Brighton Fire Dept. so I met up with the group). Later that night, while waiting for our group to be seated at Buca, a very good Italian restaurant in town, the topic of food was brought up, eventually leading up to the recent fire at Rochester's House of Poon restaurant. A couple of firefighters in our group happened to be at the fire. Stories of how nasty the kitchen was reminded me of the Kam-Wah fire a couple years back. To say the least, I thought this was an ordinary "damn, chinese restaurants are dirty" story. That is until they said what they found in the freezer. They found three of these (I'll let the picture explain).

Ya, so think about that next time you're eating Sesame Chicken and wonder why it doesn't have the same texture as any chicken you've ever eaten before.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Iceman Cometh ... and Dunketh

target="”_blank”"""Baumer's right. Watch this NHL star throw down the rock.

Basketball SUCKS!

Let me first define a couple of things.

This is tough and this is tough (sorry Moorman).

This is basketball trying to be tough (notice the pushing and awkwardly landing punches)

NBA players, if you're only going to land one punch then make it one punch (or one punch)

Basketball is the lamest sport on earth. There I said it. Give these guys a wig, a horn, and a little makeup (not much needed) and they'll look like your typical clown. Just take a look at this recap video I embedded in this post.

This video has everything. It starts off with some intense pre-game talk. You know something good is about to happen. Frazier v. Ali? Federer v. Nadal? Yankees v. Red Sox? No. The rivalry people are going to be talking about for years to come is Hawks v. Heat. THE BATTLE OF THE H's FOR THE AGES BABY!!! (evoking Dick Vitale)

It's not long until the action picks up. OH NO!!! DWAYNE WADE AND JOSH SMITH COLLIDED!!!! CALL AN AMBULANCE!!!! I bet they'll have a couple boo-boos on their itty biddy heads. Wah Wah. Wade taken to thelocker room ... OH BUT THERE HE IS!! HE'S BACK! (This just in, Dwayne Wade has returned to the court after being told in the locker room by the trainer that if he doesn't get back out in the game, he's a pussy).
Such heroics to see Wade back after such a horrendous injury! Makes Bobby Baun's Game 6 Stanley Cup championship overtime goal (after he broke his ankle earlier in the game) pale in comparison. I'm sure this will be a performance they'll talk about for years.

Oh jeez, and there goes D-Wade and he just got tangled up with Soloman Jones. Uh oh, here comes some pushing. Better get some help there, they sure know how to push someone in the NBA (seriously guys, pushing is your only answer? The NBA's proudest moment has to be when Ron Artest went up and beat up some dude in the stands. You guys are gay, you can't fight, quit acting tough because you're not. Oh and it's kinda sad when your fight can be broken up by what appears to be a 75 year old man. Ya, real tough guys).

Anyways, let's continue. AHHH D-Wade just touched a guy when he tried to dunk! I hope that he's ok! Let's give that guy another shot at putting the ball in the hoop. Oh, there he goes, he got a free shot. YAY!!!! Happy!

1:04 - wow a dude dunked a ball. Better put it in a top ten list because you know, dunking a ball in the NBA is so tough when you're 7ft tall.

Let's speed this up, there's plenty left to go.

Next up, some dude falls and rolls his ankle and goes on to prove how tough the NBA is by shooting free throws. He is standing in fucking place, as in not needing to move at all or put any strain on that ankle of his. And I love how they're called "free throws" since they are basically a free point. If you're in the NBA, you should be good enough to make a basket standing still. The ease in this shot would be an extra point kick in the NFL, with no defense running at you, or a penalty shot in the NHL, with no goalie.

1:22 - BOOM!! What a slamma jamma! I'm sorry, but did he just slam dunk!?!?! (top ten anyone!!?!?!) So why the fuck does he get a free throw. Why should the foul matter if he made the point? The only reasoning I see would be to deter from people fouling/touching someone when they are trying to shoot, which basically makes my argument that basketball is the lamest thing in town.

1:37 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH no he did not just do that. That is about the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. YOU MISSED A DUNK! And no one was even in that half of the court! To think that he's probably making more money this year then I'll make in the next 50 years...

I'm sorry, after that I cannot continue this rant. It's just too much shittiness. Mike, Kyle, please take over for me. I think I'm going to be sick.

Daily Clown: NBA and people who love it

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Alligators - Almost as Dangerous as Two Idiots w/ a Shotgun

This excerpt is from an article in New York Game and Fish magazine about alligator attacks. Critical knowledge for any New York sportsman. Apparently they happen all the time, and you should be terrified if you live in Florida/New York. Trying to show just how dangerous alligators are, the article retells various attack stories and the encounters of two registered removal agents - Braxton and Enfinger. This is the second tale:
"On another occasion, Braxton and Enfinger were out attempting to remove a gator that had been hanging around some docks and residences...It was well after sundown when they spotted their quarry. They were both busy getting all their tools into position when Braxton picked up the bang stick (gun), removed the safety and made only a short move, when the bang stick hit something and discharged, striking Enfinger at point-blank range.
The bang stick held a single 12-gauge shotgun shell with No. 4 shot. The pellets struck Enfinger in the chest, face and arm. Braxton immediately got a hospital in Pensacola. Doctors removed what pellets they could and discharged him. It was a narrow escape Braxton said he would never forget."

Smart thinking by Tweedle-Dee to blast the shit out of Tweedle-Dum, or else the alligator might have had a chance to do some real damage. The inclusion of this anecdote in an article meant to show how important it is to remove 'nuisance' alligators reaffirms my long standing fear of rednecks with guns. As I'm not a retard, I still don't have any reason to fear alligators.

Hey! Where da chicken at?

This is too ridiculous to write about.
Rochester Popeyes' have run out of Chicken. That's right. Chicken. Out of it.

This rivals the Leprechaun siting in Crichton, Alabama

and Bubb Rubb & Lil' Sis

1. How do you run out of chicken when you knew about this special 2 months ago? I mean, people got families to feed. You can't assume that they'd go to a grocery store and buy food or anything crazy like that. We got people to feed damnit! Where's my Popeyes?!?!
2. Do white people eat at Popeyes?
3. Couldn't someone get a tractor trailer or something in the back and keep that chicken on ice? Jeez!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Joke'n Noah

When Joakim Noah and his twin brother were born, the doctors noticed a strange anomaly ... despite their identical looks, they shared only one mouthful of teeth. Joakim got all but one; said sole tooth belonging to the brother (shown below).

Current HOF NFL Players

This doesn't really have anything to do with clownery....just bored at work. Instead of being productive I've been trying to come up with a list of the curren NFL players that will definately be Hall of Famers. Theres also a list of probables - due to either not quite long enough careers (Ed Reed) or just borderline status (Donovan McNabb). Here's what I've come up with so far:

Definate HOF:
Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Terrel Owens, Marvin Harrison, Torry Holt, Ladainian Tomlinson, Ray Lewis, Derrick Brooks, Brian Urlacher, Junior Seau, Brian Dawkins, Champ Bailey, Tony Gonzalez, Allen Faneca, Jonathan Ogden, Orlando Pace
Probable HOF: Donovan McNabb, Kurt Warner, Steve Smith, Isaac Bruce, Randy Moss, Chad Johnson, Ty Law, Richard Seymour, Julius Peppers, Ted Washington, Troy Polamalu, Ed Reed, Walter Jones, Steve Hutchinson
Agree with the placement? Think anyone's missing?

Torso-Man Update!

Here it is folks, Kyle Maynard had his first MMA fight! Oh boy! What an exciting fight it was! It literally looked like a baby trying to eat a grown man's foot. Where the hell did he get the idea that this would actually work?

DAILY CLOWN: Just picture trying to fight a baby who hasn't learned how to walk yet and you'll get the picture.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Ok Great Britain, We Fucking Get It Already

<--- Hey Great Britain, you rule!

Oh hey, another amazing young singer... Great, we get it, you guys have better singers than we do here in America. Enough with this shit already. You rule at music (especially rock and roll). There. Over. Done with.

Aren't you tired of this America? Isn't there something we can do about this? It's got to be the shows themselves. More specifically the show's name.

American Idol. Nowhere in that name does it speak of the quality of singing on that show. How good do you need to be to be idolized? Quite frankly, not that good (think Taylor Swift, or Miley Cyrus). But hot diggity dang America, Great Britain has us beat before their show has even started. Just look at the name, "Britain's Got Talent." These pompous lymey bastards already know they've got it, they just figure, "hey how can we show off these kids some more?" Enter Simon Cowell.

Why the hell should I give a shit about this guy, let alone what he says every week? Ninety percent of all the people watching American Idol can do the same job as Simon. It's called being critical. OOOOOOOOOOHHH what a complex concept!!! Has anyone read his Wikipedia page? You probably don't need to considering you already know that he's the man behind such bands as Sinitta, Curiosity Killed The Cat, Sonia Evans, Five, Westlife, Robson & Jerome and Ultimate Kaos. One word can sum up that: HUGE!

Do we even need the other three judges? No. Paula is just propped up in her chair every week as a part of the DARE program to help scare kids off of drugs. The new one is trying so hard to be cool that it... well, actually, I don't know what she says 1/2 the time since she gets cut off pretty much every week. Then there's "Dude." Randy, you suck. Go back to playing bass with Journey. You're in need of some "real street cred."

So while American Idol tries to decide which person with an okay voice they can parade around for their 15 minutes of fame, Great Britain is sweating over which of their very talented finalists they should have, for lack of a better word, "win." Win is a tough word to say here since anyone in the Britain's Got Talent top 5 will probably go on to have a decent career. Same can't be said for A. Idol. Quick name off 4 winners of A. Idol that have big careers. Shouldn't be tough since they've done like 9 seasons of this shit.

On a side note, what's up with "Great" Britain? Who says they get to put "Great" in front of their name? Shouldn't countries get to vote on that? If I could vote, it would be for Djibouti, not lame old Britain.

Goderdzi Love His Ball

Goderdzi loves his ball. He loves it so much he just wants to bounce it. Bounce it all day! This video makes me think of Charlie Williams' Soccer Legends Camp. What a crock of shit that camp was. It was worth the t-shirt, but I can think of maybe 1 or 2 situations in all of my soccer career where I needed to use a move ("do the croif!"). I guess this is pretty cool since he's really good at heading a ball, but where is the practicality in that? If that douche tried doing that in a soccer game, he'd either
A. get his ankles broken
B. hugged from Farber.

By the way, this guy probably sucks as a teammate. F-you dude.

Daily Clown: Goderdzi "balls-all-over-my-face" McGee

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Carry On My Wayward Son

Something tells me that she wasn't into sports... Got to say, I am pretty jealous that she rocked this out. This is probably my favorite Guitar Hero song behind YYZ.

Daily Clown: Her for making me feel like a clown. What a douche.