Thursday, April 23, 2009

Let's All Give A Hand To This Guy

My heart is telling me not to write this, but my gut is telling me that something needs to be said about this.

Here's a wonderful story about a truly amazing kid. His name is Kyle Maynard and he is a congenital amputee. He's got no arms, and no legs. (I've looked into it, and no, he's not like a Wii character who lacks arms and legs while still having hands and feet). Now don't get me wrong, I hope this kid achieves whatever goals he sets because he's not only an inspiration to probably many kids out there, but also because he probably had a real crappy time in high school. Also he won a ESPY, which is more than I can say I'll ever accomplish.

Alright, well long story short, I would like to address a more pressing matter. And that is... What the hell is up with our wrestling programs? How does a sport, usually filled with Quasimodo/Ork-like manchildren who love rolling around on a sweat and MRSA covered mat that has been rolled up into the back of the gym for the past 45 years and who wear the tightest spandex possible to ensure that when they are on top of the other guy, their junk is as close to that guy's face as possible be taken over by a kid who lacks all appendages? The kid has NO ARMS and NO LEGS! How do you lose a wrestling match to a kid who has NO ARMS and NO LEGS? How do you not pick him up and throw him out the gym? Or just sit on him. He can't push or pull you. The kid's record is 35-16. 35 and 16! As in 35 people walked up to the mat, using their two legs, shook the hands of the coach and ref, probably using one of their two arms and hands to do it, and then proceded to lose a wrestling match to this guy. Perhaps he wins by releasing a paralytic from his skin. He may even control his bowels so well that a strategically placed fart renders his opponent unconscious, allowing him to then squirm/roll on to his opponent and thereby "pinning" him/her to the mat. Whatever he does, he does it well enough to fight for a spot in an MMA fight. And he's probably wondering why no one will let him do it. Gee, I don't know, maybe if he has never seen the "Walking the baby at the park" scene from the movie Dead Alive. In that case, no, he has no idea what would be in store for him.

Today's Clown: Idiots who lost a wrestling match to Kyle Maynard


MlauwZeDong said...

I heard about this kid a long time ago, and have been waiting for an explanation ever since. I mean, every aspect of an quadruple amputee winning ONE wrestling match is mind boggling, let alone 30 something. Never mind how other kids don't just flip him over or toss him, how the hell does he pin anyone!? Or score points for takedowns!? If there's a giant, sweaty tater-tot laying on me I'm probably going to simply lean to one side and let this kid roll onto the mat. My only thought is that this Kyle Maynard character must at least have some stubs - in order to be able to move at all - which he wields on the mat. In any event, anyone about to face him should contact the 16 kids he lost too and pay them for their advice on how to subdue this kid...I have a feeling its not overly complicated...otherwise they'll be added to the list of clowns the limbless phenom has been compiling.