Friday, April 24, 2009

Smith Runs 1st X-Rated 40yd Dash

Andre Smith is not a lean 330lb, and this picture showing so made me chuckle. First thing's first though: Alabama's husky star is not being put on here due to combine follies, sub par pro-day workouts, or suspensions. This is about one thing, and one thing only; this image. This frightening, humorous image. If you're an NFL prospect who's taken all kinds of shit for being out of shape, having weight issues, being lazy, etc. why on earth do you choose to run a 40yd dash with NO SHIRT ON!? From what I understand, it's because t-shirts (not rolls of flab) create substantial drag and slow you down. Or you're just a bona fide clown.

Why else would someone so comically obese subject his jiggly body to such additional scrutiny and criticism? Just look at those big nipples pointing in two completely different directions, and you'll know the reason somebody invented sports bras. His stomach clearly wants nothing to do with the rest of his body, and is trying to escape to the sidelines. It also doesn't help that his fat, pointy toes remind me of a baby elephant trying to fly. Maybe Andre just wanted to make me chuckle. Mission accomplished.

Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for this guy whose had some relatively minor mistakes blown out of proportion, and I don't give much credence to those that have Smith free-falling down draft boards. Bottom line is, he can play football. Yeah, Andre's a fat kid...But he's a fat kid who dominated the SEC. Smith was sloppy in college, is sloppy now, and is not gonna change anytime soon. As any educated obese person will tell you, its all genetic.

But for God's sake, Andre, show a little judgment. Or at least listen to everyone around you saying "Hey man, you might want to leave that on" before you take your shirt off. And shame on anyone who stands by and lets this behemoth trick himself into thinking he'll shave a couple tenths of a second of his 40 time by losing his XXXL shirt. Think of the children. You'll probably find a couple under said shirt.


dalibero said...

His left breast is the perkiest I've ever seen.

Baumer said...

I think I've seen that monster in my dreams. Look at that face made up from his man-mams and his belly button. All I can think of is his body yelling "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Nevertheless, he probably ran that 40 quicker than I, so props to him.