Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Alligators - Almost as Dangerous as Two Idiots w/ a Shotgun

This excerpt is from an article in New York Game and Fish magazine about alligator attacks. Critical knowledge for any New York sportsman. Apparently they happen all the time, and you should be terrified if you live in Florida/New York. Trying to show just how dangerous alligators are, the article retells various attack stories and the encounters of two registered removal agents - Braxton and Enfinger. This is the second tale:
"On another occasion, Braxton and Enfinger were out attempting to remove a gator that had been hanging around some docks and residences...It was well after sundown when they spotted their quarry. They were both busy getting all their tools into position when Braxton picked up the bang stick (gun), removed the safety and made only a short move, when the bang stick hit something and discharged, striking Enfinger at point-blank range.
The bang stick held a single 12-gauge shotgun shell with No. 4 shot. The pellets struck Enfinger in the chest, face and arm. Braxton immediately got a hospital in Pensacola. Doctors removed what pellets they could and discharged him. It was a narrow escape Braxton said he would never forget."

Smart thinking by Tweedle-Dee to blast the shit out of Tweedle-Dum, or else the alligator might have had a chance to do some real damage. The inclusion of this anecdote in an article meant to show how important it is to remove 'nuisance' alligators reaffirms my long standing fear of rednecks with guns. As I'm not a retard, I still don't have any reason to fear alligators.


MlauwZeDong said...

Holy shit this might be the most clownish article I've ever read:

"I'll bet the majority of those who were bitten or attacked probably had no idea they were in harm's way up until the attack. They were people going about life when the unexpected happened."

So what story do they tell to back this up? One about some guy that waded into a river up to his chest and got mauled by a huge gator (estimated to be 12ft). When authorities tried to find the alligator that attacked him, they found about 100 goddamn alligators 10ft+ in the area. The gator that attacked old Billy Bob was apparently fulfilling the age-old role of predators - preying on the weak and stupid. So, once again, if you are a retard living in the South, you have reason to be terrified. You should also know it's not a good idea to see how long you can hang from a power line by your teeth, or try to cross an expressway blindfolded.

dalibero said...

Idk you might be retarded, don't you wrestle these things?